my soroity sister was in hati when the earthquake hit and no one has heard from her and i am worried sick. I dont eat. i dont sleep. i dont wanna do anything. She needs to be fine. I need to know she is okay. Her name is Kikie and she is the most genuine person i know. She would wipe her tears away from the eye it was coming from. I REALLY NEED TO KNOW SHE IS OKAY. IM A WRECK :/

im at school and it is easier with phi sig around me but i wish she was her to :/
woop 2010.... you started off great.

i hate ovaries.
i realy wish i was a man.

im going to the gym again and im starting to be truly happy with myself :O)
i realy have nothing to write.
i start my soroity mom position soon.
imm scared shitless cause even know they are my sisters they can sure criticize. I hope iam good and can keep my grades up...

what makes you better than me? Nothing cause to straight up your nothing but a low life loser that can not keep a job and one day all the judging you do will bite you in the ass. Leave my name out of your mouth and maybe you should work on your own life before juding mine. Cause im pretty sure in the last years i have gotten over my insecurities, found friends that don't judge me, and figured out what I want out of life. And had an amazing guy who truly loves me right next to me for the ride. So keep hating its just gunna make me stronger in the long end.
What is funny is tha brittney was right about YOU the whole time.. Hope KARMA is a bitch:)

sorry just had to get that out.

2010 has been fun. It has already has had its ups and downs. Me and chris broke up and got back together. stuuuuuuuuuuuuuupid boys. But it sucked but it made me see how madly in love I am with him and what i would do to make him see that


I was in the white mountains with previous long rant, kyle, bridgett, joe and chris. It was a winter wonderland and I LOOVED IT. Kyle has really grown up and I reallly don't hate him as much as before. But i hate bridgetts boyfriend joe, he fucking rude. Ryan, Jc, nick and dave came up for new years. New years was fun. I watched everyone get tanked and the frution get broke. Chris got soo drunk for the first time. It was a funny show but i was really worried about him and then people saw me as a deppy downer. Sorry i care if someone is so drunk somethiing bad might happen. And joe, bridgett's boyfriend, was pressuring me and jc to drink, the alchol that IIIIIIIIIII, EMPHASIS ON I, bought for chris. Sorry buddy if i dont wanna drink.. im not drinking.


im just fulll of rant today


im kinda over break and wanna go back to school./ I go back the 20th

i need to go on a diet...
i am not happy with my body
chris says i look the same as before.. i beg to differ
i hate this I AM SOOO FAT :O(
i have giving up drinking n soda n i excercise
PLEASE GOD MAKE ME NOT HATE MY BODY :/

semester is almost over yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay :O)

i miss john all the time

do you ever get over someone you love?

Lately, I feel like i can only straight up here. So that means i can only tell kristin everythng haha :p. Iam fine with that. Im so sick of everyone I think i can trust leaves me and makes me feel like crap. So if i have this one place and that one person to read IM HAPPPY. I know i have chris and I love that but I dont wanna be so dependent on one person.IT SCARES ME.

This past weekend we had my sapphire ball in my soroity. I had so so so so much fun. Me my big and my little WON best family. I was sooo pumped. My big and I are so close and even me and my little with the little amount of time we have been friends I can trust her more than people I have known for years. I got my little, her name is katie, to drink and I couldnt get her to stop. LMAO ahhhhhhh

This semester blows tits

im coming home tonight for turkey break. Im skipping my 9.30 tomorrow cause hes a ASS and wont cancel it when every other teacher does. Schilling is a dooosh. just saying. I wanna see all my friend from home but I NEED NEED NEED NEED to work. I am so poor. Im working dbls tomorr friday and saturday. I wanna hang with my friends after work cause the ecomony sucks and I will be cut MAD early. WHOSE DOWN?? i need some sane people back in my life :o)

this post is wicked long

losing your best friend.. never gets easy. Why didn't i listen to everyone who worned me.



I GET TO SEE BABY SARAH. Who is alreaady one. Where does the time go. hahahahaha



okkbye!

First offf, i loooove eminem. His song to Mariah Carey made me pee. Listen to warning by eminem. And its towards Mariah's song obsessed that she geared to eminem. I legit peeeeeeeeeeed :)


ooohh and I got pledge momma in phi sig. Im super excited and was shacking when giving my speech :).

I have come to the conclusion i cant use the term best friend. It terms every relationship to with that name to shit...

ohh and my boyfriend cleaned my puke this weekend.. i think he is the one lol


p.s I HATE GIRLS :)

i suck at updating this thing.

My litte in my soroity is amazing and she helps keep me sane :). Phi sigma sigma is the only reason im in school still, im wicked corny. My big is amazing and helps me get throught. My favorite ladies are graduating this may and i wannna cry. But i still have calllie who is my favorite person latelly. She listens  to my pointless rants and understands me.

chris is pissing me offf but maybe its the distance. I making myself not want to miss him as much but it pisses me offf cause i miss him more than words can say. Hes my everything and i woud be lost without him. I know he wont hurt me... but deep down i cant help but still have a mini walll up thinking he will. i know he wont just cant help but worry. :/

<3 :)

when music fails... word speak!

the semester has just began and i am so stressed. yuck i hate school
phi sig's biggest phianthropy event is this week.. rock a thon and i plan on staying out ALL 24 hours this year..
ill let you know how that works.

this weekend has made me see how i am completely HEAD over HEALS in love with christopher michael donovan.
and i hope her never forgets that.. enought with my corny ass

i had a breakdown today.. what else is new.. callie was therre for me and i laah you

i should be sleeping so im going to go

hey girl hey
i got a little yesterday :). It a girl in your soroity you get and help her get throught new membering, Cause it can be very stressful... and her name is katie. And she is amazing :)

is it bad that i feel like that i can only speak my true feeling here..
i lost my wallet the first week of classes.. sweet.
im losing my "best" friend.. :/
im starting to hate school
and my parents make me wanna stab my eye balls out

phi sigma sigma was what kept me going last semester and know i feel like i am not wanted by anyone. I feel as if im a burden instead of a sister, people have to hang with me. Know one ever seems to come up to me and ask me to hang. Im always there when they ask someone else to hang and oblicated to ask me =/. This may be a feeling but i dont think so. And here i am pondering whether this is finction and im bawling..

im starting to puch chris away again...


i think i have finally hit rock bottom...
ill make my way up.. i promise myself!

i guess my last post was a lie..
i was doing sooo good til today.. :/

i cant put into words how hurt I am :/
i hate that i feel so worthless all the time
i hate carl more than i can ever explain

tonight i had goodbye dinner with chris's family. Chris's mother is way to nice to me. She made me supper and supper for nights at school. She makes me wanna be a better person. She treats me better then my mom and dad combined. And she makes me believe that i can turn out to be the polar oppisites of my parents. My dad wrecked my self esteem down again...big surprise and my mother toook his side. Leaving me a emotional wreck once again. When will i learn... :'(

everyone is leaving for college again and im excited but extremelly depressed. This summer has shown me how much everyone has changed and where i dont stand in there new lives.

i saw john the other day.
and it made me see how much chris means to me

This weekend i spent the WHOOOLE thing with christopher. We went to his dad's house in Winnapasukie (cant spell), it was the most fun i have had in a while. It enlightened me about how short life really is. So im determined to let NO ONE bring me down and im gunna take more chances. I went tubbing for the first time and went millions of boat rides. I loved it and chris was right by my side the whole time :). I meet his dad for the first time but he was so chill and very nice. He saw me drinking and could care less as long as I was not driving and was yelling at me for my lack of ability to play beer pong. LMAO. It was a eventful weekend and would do anything to go back. I got a little drunk the ast night there, it was slighly awkward.

Which ment i went to work day kinda reallly hung over and wanted to punch the cook for what seem to be yelling at me.

i leave for fiitchburg the thirtyth and i miss my phi sigma galies ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT.

im starting to hate woburn.

i was letdown by the one person who i thought would never let me down again..And sense the again is there i should have expected it however im as dumb as they come. She blew me off and is now acting like i didnt somethiing wrong. I have called her and texted her and she is ignoring me. I say her loss but then it still uber disappointing. We worked together and i maned up and took if for the team and talked her, nothing having to do with the matter, cause  it needed to be done for work sake. Im sick of being let down by people i trust. I was legit in tears cause our frienship means so much she cant fucking say sorry. i hate learning life lessons and i hate when people change. AND I HATE THAT IM SO FUCKING EMOTIONAL OVER THIS. :'(

my house is unbarable.

my highschool friends are either always busy or just plain forgot about me. It might just all be in my head, but it is how i feel.

work owns my soul. legit.

and christopher is my everything. I have always never wanted that to happen. But he is the only person i trust anymore.
id hate

and here i am crying again. fuck my life
done ranting lol

I hate my body  :'(
I really want to be happy
I am a miserable person.
and i treat the people i love like shit

i kinda just need to peace out of this life i live.

Everything seems to be going right in my life. And im still not happy. Yayy me for being a emo prick. But its been awhile sence i have been on this site. No one reads my posts anyway, so it doesnt matter.  Well i have an amazing boyfriend, christopher, and he treats me like his queen. And i wish i as happy with that, but once again i am a emi prick. I also am home from my freshman year of college, and it was an amazing time.
Maybe im not happy with life, cause all my home friend have forgotten about me and i really miss them.

im done.

ohhh i bought my BLINK 182 tickets :)

i really really really hate him. Its 11.20 and i woke up at 10.30 and from that time. i was told how useless i am and how much i suck. I had a complete mental breakdown. I could go into detail about every thing just i would get way to upset. BUT I COULD REALLLY USE SOMEONE TO TALK TO.

I move out in FOUR days :0, im way pumped cause carls a asshole, still wicked scary.

Christopher picked me up from work yesterday. with flowers, and a brand new trash barrel, FULL of frozen resses. Which are my  favorite chocolate ever, and i reallly needed a new trash barrel for my dorm rooom :] 

carl just gave me the sex is special talk >_<

So i miss john.[understatement] His picture was in the picture today, When brittney texted me and told me I ran from my bed and bolted upstairs to get the paper. And may i add his was on my bed when this happened.Ugh wow point 44 as why i suck as a girlfriend. I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY I WASNT GOOD ENOUGH. i see all these pictures of him with his new girlfriend, and i honestly do not understand. Someone enlighting me with something. Other then the "hes a asshole heather." I just need to make myself not feel so low about myself.

I love my best friend. We went to kyles fiest friday night and well it was a goood time. She ment brendan, krystal's ex, and he got free weed and boooze. But we went back saturday night, ha yes we did. Well same thing diffrent people, more people. Well sept there was the little thing that the cops were called and they came. I have never ran so flippen fast in my whole life. I RAN THROUGH YARDS, JUMPED FENCES, LOST MY SHOES AND WELL NEVER AGAIN. i will never again drink, but my best friend was RIGHT by my side. i love her and gunna be so lost without her next year :[

Chris and heather are not fighting anymore. And are back together :] He benn the most adorable thing ever lately and I think i honestly am forcing myself not to fall as hard as i did with mister mears, but thats what pain does. It blocks you off things, due to teh fear of getting hurt,

i love this song FYI :]

Suppose that I missed you
Suppose that I cared.
And suppose that I've spent all my nights running scared
And suppose that I was never there.

And my eyes are screaming for the sight of you
And tonight I'm dreaming of all the things that we've been through
And I can't hold on to you.
So I guess I feel lonely, too.